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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2019 2:55:48 GMT 10
I first wanted to post this on SAS, but considering it's about SAS as well I'll post it here. I feel like everyone ignores me on SAS, and again it just feels like it. The whole world is crashing down on me, and I got nowhere and no one to talk to. On SAS most people ignore me, which isn't necessarily a bad thing since it's just me. I got no friends aside from online, and even my online friends kind of 'died off'. My family is a no-go, except my uncle who knows about my situation but he's too busy as well. Even my psychologist doesn't take me serious when I tell her 'things are going bad' and makes another appointment a whole month later. My stress is piling up and I got nowhere to vent and no support from anyone at all. I'm not asking for a complete bestfriend or anything, I just want that for once, somebody listened to me and takes me serious. I'm sorry if I insulted or annoyed anyone, it wasn't my intention at all.
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Post by WillYouStopDave on Sept 12, 2019 4:03:14 GMT 10
Well, SAS is kind of a loose collection of random people so it's actually surprisingly difficult to make real connections there. And also the nature of the place is that people on SAS have social anxiety so that's another layer of standoffishness on top of the basic fact that many people there have very little in common other than a very basic personality trait.
That's a long way of saying that it isn't your fault and it isn't their fault. It's just kind of the internet being the internet. I wish I had some other kind of support to give besides just being here and making posts but TBH, I would be lying to you if I said that I have the energy for it.
At any rate, forums are funny things. Some people just do not stand out on forums. It takes awhile to settle into a forum and for people to get used to you and recognize you. And SAS is kind of dead these days so it's hard to have a conversation.
I think the biggest problem there is a lot of the people who are still around have seen it all. We see the same types of threads and posts pop up over and over again for years on end. Sometimes they're trolls and sometimes they're just desperate people trying to find someone who cares. And everything in between. Sometimes we respond and sometimes we don't but it usually doesn't seem to help. And sometimes SASers are kinda rough on people because they're jaded by all the trolls who have come and gone over the years. Trolls usually start out trying to seem sincere and then start blossoming into caricatures as time goes on. So most veteran SASers have "been had" so many times they just can't find the energy to do it anymore.
And also, we're all kind of stuck in our own little world. We're looking for people just like us but everyone is different. You want someone to say "I feel exactly the same way" but realistically, no one probably does. The world looks just a little bit different from every person's perspective. Enough to make it frustrating to try to find support for problems (I'm not religious but I call them demons) that are unique to the individual.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2019 4:28:58 GMT 10
WillYouStopDaveI know most of us on SAS are mostly strangers to eachother, and that SA doesn't help either. But that's not entirely what I meant. I had people who responded first on my threads, but no longer do so. The only reason I can think of is that my threads/posts are annoying. And it's okay if they don't want to (you included) because obviously it's their very right to choose wether they help or not. Also, I don't really think SAS is dead, I just think it's a bit lacking in activity. As last, I don't need nor want someone to say "I feel exactly the same way", because I already said that I simply want some support. It doesn't even have to be much, even just a bit of venting already helps, but I won't make a serious matter out of it. Except for the fact that my psychologist doesn't support me either, that's something I won't let go off so easily. If it is this way, then at least I can get used to it that I stand alone.
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Post by WillYouStopDave on Sept 12, 2019 5:28:13 GMT 10
WillYouStopDave I know most of us on SAS are mostly strangers to eachother, and that SA doesn't help either. But that's not entirely what I meant. I had people who responded first on my threads, but no longer do so. The only reason I can think of is that my threads/posts are annoying. And it's okay if they don't want to (you included) because obviously it's their very right to choose wether they help or not. Also, I don't really think SAS is dead, I just think it's a bit lacking in activity. As last, I don't need nor want someone to say "I feel exactly the same way", because I already said that I simply want some support. It doesn't even have to be much, even just a bit of venting already helps, but I won't make a serious matter out of it. Except for the fact that my psychologist doesn't support me either, that's something I won't let go off so easily. If it is this way, then at least I can get used to it that I stand alone. Well, I guess what I would say is that you should probably make a thread like this one on SAS. Maybe not exactly like this one but just say that you feel like people ignore you. Assuming you haven't made one like that already. As far as being annoying, that's another thing with high anxiety people. Sometimes people like us get annoyed for no reason or at the slightest provocation. Again, if you aren't trying to be annoying, you're not actually doing anything wrong enough to justify feeling bad about it.
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Post by firestar on Sept 12, 2019 8:23:47 GMT 10
I agree with WillYouStopDave. I think it's probably the reality of the internet. I doubt you insulted or annoyed anyone If you're not looking for empathy/sympathy type support, what kind of support are you hoping to find on SAS? Maybe if you stated that outright, you could get more responses.
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Post by Silent Memory on Sept 12, 2019 10:43:10 GMT 10
I’m sorry you feel that way.
When people don’t reply to your threads, it doesn’t mean they’re annoyed at you or that you’ve done anything wrong. A lot of people only care about themselves and their own problems, which is something that happens anywhere and not only SAS.
When it’s quiet on there, there aren’t as many people to see your threads, which will mean less replies. Some people only go on there to post in their favourite sections and don’t look in the areas where people post threads asking for help. Even when people do see those types of threads, they could see someone else’s response and think “That’s what I would have said. There’s no point in me saying the same thing. I hope everything gets better for them” or “Look how good this person’s reply was... I could never write anything that good or that helpful,” and then think anything they say would never be good enough. Others simply don’t know what to say.
A lot of people have said their threads never get replies, and I think it’s sad. That’s something I would like to try to change.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2019 17:22:27 GMT 10
WillYouStopDave I know most of us on SAS are mostly strangers to eachother, and that SA doesn't help either. But that's not entirely what I meant. I had people who responded first on my threads, but no longer do so. The only reason I can think of is that my threads/posts are annoying. And it's okay if they don't want to (you included) because obviously it's their very right to choose wether they help or not. Also, I don't really think SAS is dead, I just think it's a bit lacking in activity. As last, I don't need nor want someone to say "I feel exactly the same way", because I already said that I simply want some support. It doesn't even have to be much, even just a bit of venting already helps, but I won't make a serious matter out of it. Except for the fact that my psychologist doesn't support me either, that's something I won't let go off so easily. If it is this way, then at least I can get used to it that I stand alone. Well, I guess what I would say is that you should probably make a thread like this one on SAS. Maybe not exactly like this one but just say that you feel like people ignore you. Assuming you haven't made one like that already. As far as being annoying, that's another thing with high anxiety people. Sometimes people like us get annoyed for no reason or at the slightest provocation. Again, if you aren't trying to be annoying, you're not actually doing anything wrong enough to justify feeling bad about it. I personally don't think that's a good idea, I don't know how people will react. That's why I made the thread here, because in my opinion people are more friendly and compassionate on this forum. Not that SAS is unfriendly, but just speaking for the thread right now.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2019 17:25:13 GMT 10
I agree with WillYouStopDave . I think it's probably the reality of the internet. I doubt you insulted or annoyed anyone If you're not looking for empathy/sympathy type support, what kind of support are you hoping to find on SAS? Maybe if you stated that outright, you could get more responses. I know, but internet or not I don't want to insult or annoy anyone. I'm just generally looking for some advice/support, and I know I can't straight up ask that from strangers. But I feel like when I straight up tell what I want in the thread, I come over as impolite.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2019 17:28:56 GMT 10
I’m sorry you feel that way.
When people don’t reply to your threads, it doesn’t mean they’re annoyed at you or that you’ve done anything wrong. A lot of people only care about themselves and their own problems, which is something that happens anywhere and not only SAS.
When it’s quiet on there, there aren’t as many people to see your threads, which will mean less replies. Some people only go on there to post in their favourite sections and don’t look in the areas where people post threads asking for help. Even when people do see those types of threads, they could see someone else’s response and think “That’s what I would have said. There’s no point in me saying the same thing. I hope everything gets better for them” or “Look how good this person’s reply was... I could never write anything that good or that helpful,” and then think anything they say would never be good enough. Others simply don’t know what to say.
A lot of people have said their threads never get replies, and I think it’s sad. That’s something I would like to try to change. Yeah I know most people do, I see it in my own family as well. That's basically how I lost support from my uncle really, he got too busy with his own life and never sends a text again. Well that makes sense of course, maybe I'm just overreacting (like I most of the time do). But I always put a sidenote in my threads that people can say whatever they want to say, it doesn't really matter to me because for me, every piece of advice or support they give is valuable to me. I get you, but I honestly don't see how that can be changed. You can't really force people to respond. (Right? )
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Post by WillYouStopDave on Sept 12, 2019 19:06:42 GMT 10
I’m sorry you feel that way.
When people don’t reply to your threads, it doesn’t mean they’re annoyed at you or that you’ve done anything wrong. A lot of people only care about themselves and their own problems, which is something that happens anywhere and not only SAS.
When it’s quiet on there, there aren’t as many people to see your threads, which will mean less replies. Some people only go on there to post in their favourite sections and don’t look in the areas where people post threads asking for help. Even when people do see those types of threads, they could see someone else’s response and think “That’s what I would have said. There’s no point in me saying the same thing. I hope everything gets better for them” or “Look how good this person’s reply was... I could never write anything that good or that helpful,” and then think anything they say would never be good enough. Others simply don’t know what to say.
A lot of people have said their threads never get replies, and I think it’s sad. That’s something I would like to try to change. Yeah I know most people do, I see it in my own family as well. That's basically how I lost support from my uncle really, he got too busy with his own life and never sends a text again. Well that makes sense of course, maybe I'm just overreacting (like I most of the time do). But I always put a sidenote in my threads that people can say whatever they want to say, it doesn't really matter to me because for me, every piece of advice or support they give is valuable to me. I get you, but I honestly don't see how that can be changed. You can't really force people to respond. (Right? ) Probably the key is to be persistent but not aggressive. If I had given up on every forum I have been active on when I didn't get many responses I would have never gotten anywhere on any forum. I have been really active and known well on maybe 3 forums (not including this one) in the last 20 years. There's one I've been active on for years but hardly anyone ever responds to anything I post there. I still see value in posting even if people don't respond. Someone is reading it somewhere. And even if they aren't, you have a way of saying whatever you need to say out loud. I find it helps my mind in a way when I have to word things in a way that I think other people will comprehend and relate to. Even if they don't, the mental exercise of it is helpful. It may not seem that way when you're doing it but over time, I have acquired an ability to stand up for myself (to some degree) and to be able to read people (IRL) better than I did before I was on SAS. I spent the first however many years on SAS mired in the chaos and turbulence that is (was) the S&C area of the forum (politics). Needless to say this is not something I would recommend for a lot of reasons (not the least of which is that section is way more toxic now than it was then and there are not as many thoughtful posters on it). But the point is that as someone who was not a hardcore liberal (and was more libertarian than anything) I was not finding I had a lot in common with most of the people there and was constantly at odds with the majority and always having to defend myself against something like 10 to 1 scenario. If I said literally anything I believed or thought, I would immediately have at least 5 people wanting to argue with me. I'm not saying that's ideal (it isn't). But when someone challenges you, you have to either respond or give up. I don't tend to give up so I spent many years going back and forth on just about every issue you can think of. I really had to examine and think about everything I thought I believed and everything I said. If I said literally anything that more than 2 people thought was wrong, I'd hear about it. I think that sometimes on forums, when you say something no one disagrees with, you don't get many replies. Or you will get a couple of thumbs ups or "I agree" type posts. But if you keep posting things no one disagrees with, the replies will quickly taper off. This isn't a bad thing, really, unless you feel bad about it when you think no one notices you. It just means that people see your replies or your posts and have nothing to add. Or if you ask for advice, they don't have any answers. They don't want to lead you in the wrong direction so they would rather not say anything than give you potentially bad or wrong advice or advice that is not relevant to your circumstances and situation. To be more specific, more people can be more arsed to find the energy to argue than they can to agree. I suppose this is kind of why the internet has eventually been kinda dumbed down to the plain old thumbs up or thumbs down button. People are not good at respectfully debating sensitive topics so any disagreement tends to turn into a a real mess. By the same token, a mass agreement kind of becomes redundant eventually. Anyway, I looked over some of your threads and to be honest, your threads usually get more replies than some of mine have. I haven't been a big thread starter over the years but I have made a few here and there. I have made threads that I thought would be good but got zero replies and sank like bricks. LOL I have been on SAS for just about ten years and if I made a thread right now, the odds would be 50/50 as to whether it would get a single reply. In short, don't be discouraged. Keep on doing what you need to do. Make your posts. Make your threads. Express yourself even if no one seems to be listening. It's good for you.
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Post by firestar on Sept 13, 2019 7:54:48 GMT 10
I agree with WillYouStopDave . I think it's probably the reality of the internet. I doubt you insulted or annoyed anyone If you're not looking for empathy/sympathy type support, what kind of support are you hoping to find on SAS? Maybe if you stated that outright, you could get more responses. I know, but internet or not I don't want to insult or annoy anyone. I'm just generally looking for some advice/support, and I know I can't straight up ask that from strangers. But I feel like when I straight up tell what I want in the thread, I come over as impolite. I think one thing you can do to try to increase responses is to do what you can to put the advice in action and let the person who gave you the advice know how it went. Personally, when I give advice, it's nice to hear, "I'll try it out. Thanks!" but it's even better to hear, "I did it and it was great. Thanks so much!" When someone actually tries out my advice and benefits from it, it's nice to know that I had a positive impact on someone else's life. Although I realize this won't work if you get really terrible advice that you can't use
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Post by natasya on Oct 4, 2019 7:40:33 GMT 10
It's a relatable concern, especially when you've made threads before that ended up going completely off topic. There's users that notice what you post from a glance and tend to make remarks about it, when you're just looking for some support or empathy. I remember once someone brought up my financial situation based off little information I'd provided in some of my posts, and it made me feel insecure. So I understand sometimes wanting to avoid posting sensitive things on SAS at this point.
It's easy to feel ignored, but I don't think most people are consciously doing it. Many just don't have anything to say, or have sections they prefer posting in where they feel more comfortable. I've seen a lot of different threads go unanswered, and I try to prevent that by adding something from time to time if I feel like I have some input, but also am reluctant if I have nothing to say. I'd rather have some genuine responses though.
I also agree with what Firestar was saying, about being sure to acknowledge people when they respond, and instead of constantly saying it can't be done or keeping the focus negative, try to at least show some consideration and that you heard them and will think about it at least. Again, like she said, unless it's a response to some really awful advice then appreciation isn't necessary there lol.
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